i filled out a fun survey on my other blog at http://ricewitflair.blogspot.com... go check it out. =P

one week from today...

I WILL BE GRADUATING!!! YESSSS! =]

u kno that feeling when u rip off a band-aid and ur wound feels new again? well, my heart is constanty going through a cycle of pain... ok, not really pain... more like sadness, desperity, lonliness, confusion... blah...

AHHH!!! Everyone's supposed to love me dammit!!! GRR!!! okok, so maybe that's not really true... but it didn't have to be proven to me... *sigh* okay okay... in some way, some of you that know me really way might think that there's this group of guys that are hella jocking me or some crap, but that's not true!!! omg... it's so freakin hard to find a guy that i can become interested in... it's not that i'm picky, it's jus that it isn't often that a really cool guy catches my attention or pays some attention to me... *sigh* dammit, i'm jus depressing myself... i need chris? yea, that's a question now because i just don't know anymore... GrRr... no more depressing stuff... on to the happier things

GRADUATION!!! next saturday!!! oh yesss... no more classes for me as of today! wOo... no more going to that hell hole of a school after next week... =] me=excited i already have my graduation gown. i'm ready to go almost! yesss...

so is there anything else adrienne? nope, nothing more adrienne. okay then adrienne. goodbye adrienne. =P

"...i loved you..."

why does it have to be past tense? can't it be the present? cuz i still love you... why don't u feel the same? can't everything just be simple? i hate that i still feel this way... it jus makes me think that i have nothing left anymore... that i'm so empty with no point in living... i kno it's not true and that's why i'm still here... pretending that i'm strong... but i'm not... i've done a good job at convincing others that i am, but the truth lies only here... and in my heart...

dL this song: love goes on by natalise off of the import jams cd

school has been great! mostly because we haven't been doin crap! wOo! only 2 more weeks to go and i'm out of high school! scary, yet very cool. 4 days more of classes. 5 days of finals. 1 senior day. and finally, 1 GRADUATION! oh yesss... then UC Irvine here i come...

i made a new layout but let's jus say that it's not exactly my best work... so i guess the new layout will just have to wait until my creativity comes back... or until i'm feeling happier. =P

well, no real new developments in the life of adrienne... i've been doing the same stuff... going online, chatting with people, going out with my friends, etc. etc. etc. it may seem completely boring to you, but hey, i kinda enjoy it except for those few minor boring points. chris... heh... nothing new there... still reminiscing. hope's fading, and it's fading fast...

you kno what... i've been thinking and reflecting on a lot of things recently. first off, i have pretty much all guy friends except maybe one or two really good girl friends... weird? i think it is especially since i go to an all girls school. also, in my entire four years at my high school, i haven't found a single group of friends that i really can just be myself with... yea, i have friends that i can be like that with but not in my school... so it's gonna be really easy just to get out of that school... i'll miss them but it won't be heartbreaking to move away. moving away. far far away. that's hard. i'm gonna miss a lot of people here (not from school obviously except for a few). i'm planning on writing letters to most of them before i move or something. *sigh* u think maybe i should give up on findin someone or gettin someone back in these few months before i leave? i've been asking myself that question. i really wanna be back wit him but iono... would it be worth it to try a L.D.R. the dreaded and difficult "long distance relationship." well, i really love him so much that it'd be worth it to me, but then again, i'm not the one to make decisions cuz it involves two people... i've got the rest of this month, june, july, and some of august to enjoy my life here before i start my new one...

why do u treat me the way you do? am i just paranoid and just imagining it all? do u kno how much i still love you? jus how much i wish i could wake up one day and realize it was all just an awful nightmare? unfortunately, it seems as if you don't want me anymore... i don't even think i mean anything to you anymore. well, at least that's how it seems... i wish i could just tell this all to you, but i'm scared of your reaction... i don't wanna get put down again... i hope you read this cuz at least u'd kno how i feel, but then again... is that a good thing? i jus wanna kno if i'm jus wasting my time and emotions because i don't wanna hurt anymore... i don't wanna think back to how it was when u and i were together and miss everything. i don't wanna wish that i could be in ur arms again if it'll never happen like i want it to. i don't wanna cry over you anymore and how much i just wish that you would take me back because God only knows how much i miss you and how much i wanna be with you. it's been a little over 3 months that i've been without ur love... i've known you for about a year now because (i doubt u remember) it was this time a year ago that we first started talking... then going out... remember all those late night conversations on the phone talking about pretty much anything we could think of? i wish i could go back in time and live those moments again... next month would've been our one year anniversary... i used to look forward to it, but now i can only dread it because i know that i'll just think of you and i and cry... as i've been doing... without u, i jus feel so empty... maybe i'm delusional to even think that we should/would get back together... but all i know is that i just want you back...

new layout is coming around... i swear... maybe one day i'll actually tell u bout prom... nothin much to share tho... nothin interesting... hMm... what have i been up to? nothing really... doin a lot of thinking tho... choosing, deciding... you kno... the bad stuff that gets adrienne all depressed... kay, i'm tired... gnite folks... sorry for the lack of quality of updates... i swear i'll get a good one... the links are always updated, tho, cuz of quiz results and stuff... =P

how did u get over me so quickly? i can't even convince myself it's over and ur already moving on?... what's wrong with me?

k, hectic day... i'll fill u all in when i get the time... and i'll get the new layout done by next week. i swear! hehehe...

"un-break my heart. say you love me again. undo this hurt you caused when you walked out the door and walked out of my life. un-cry theses tears i've cried so many nights. un-break my heart."

should i jus give up on loving you? if u say i should, i will... i'll let go... won't u please, just tell me how u feel about me... *sigh*

well, i should be studying... but iono... really not in the mood... have u ever had those nights/days where u felt so alone? well, i'm having one of those nights... i feel as if no one cares... *shrugz* i kno it's not true... but oh well... it was a bad day. two chances to see the same movie. both failed. d'oh.

well, it's official. i have no prom date. i'm getting desperate. and no one wants to see what happens when i get desperate. i might end up going wit that guy that might try to like rape me or sum crap. then i'd have to go get myself tested for like everything in the morning. not a good thing. don't let me reach that point. *sigh*

i'm stressed right now. very stressed. it's one of those times that i miss having a bf. u kno? someone jus to turn to when u need someone to talk to who u kno can jus make u feel like everything in the world is great.

chris, i miss u. (like whoa, i said his name)

u kno what i dislike more than people who consistently flake on u? hMm... i can't think of anythin... so i'll get back to u on that... but oh well, it happens... so whatever, i guess... so tonight was the dance. "u get ur freak on, huh?!?!" no. overall, it was decent. the music was kinda whack cuz people kept requesting shitty ass songs... stupid freakin umm... folk... nevermind... hehe... well, i guess no one missed anythin... crazy c-walkin battles... whack lightshows... bad dancers... non-dancers... hella ghetto guys... but nothing could phase me from tryin to have a good time... the beginning was hella funny cuz the sun was still out so the gym was hella lighted... hehe... so only a few people were dancing and i was groovin from group to group... hehe... jus tryin to get somethin going... but yea, the sun eventually set and everyone hit the dancefloor... me and jey jus groovin it up... i swear he's the best dancer i've seen... well, chris too... hehe... but yea, at least i had someone to talk to or jus kick it wit... after, silvio picked jey up and i had a situation in the freakin parking lot... stupid freaking school... i swear... anyway, so i jus headed off home... that was my night...

after school, i decided to stop off at serra hs to see if i could get sum serveys filled out for my social justice project on drug use and hs students... there's only one teacher that knows me and actually likes me... the 2 other ones that kno me hate me... hehe... but yea, that teacher creeps me out... hehe... but very helpful... he stopped his chem class for me to explain my project and survey and have the class fill it out... =] so i've got that done... and i jus have to get the other half to my friend marcia that goes to elco hs... the answers that some of these guys put on the survey are hella funny... i won't even go into it... hehehe

"can u jus tell me where we stand cuz my heart can't take the agony anymore... the pain that comes from not knowing and from wanting what i probably can't have... jus tell me... cuz boi i love u, and i jus can't let u go... not again..."

hello world... i have layout ideas racing through my head but no ambition to get started... d'oh... i get a lot of hits. i'm happy =] hehehe... today was a happy day... i'm hella cheesin... well, besides the prom stress and ish... but yessss... crystal knows why... muahahaha... awWw... anyway, yes, i'm hella hyper still... i have my math final this sunday... crap me... pray for me.

"staring into your eyes just makes me remember how i fell in love with you and how much i still do love you..."

so the stress is pressing to find a prom date... if i can't find one... i guess i spent $140 to go by myself... fun, huh? oh yea... i don't kno what to do... i have no one left to ask... well, i do... iono... whatever... we'll just have to see... and then there's the plans for after... being that i won't be able to drive and i don't kno if i'll get a date who can drive... iono how i'm gonna get places. i kno that some of my friends are probably goin to a hotel to get fawked up and shiz... thas jus not my thing... i'll go for a lil while if i can but probably jus head on home early... blah... stupid ass mofo of a prom... at least, this year i have a group of friends to sti wit during dinner and to kick it wit at prom. now i jus need a kick-ass date... =P

so, i listened to eminem to and from school today... i went to bed angry and extremely depressed... i was shaking last night cuz my body just hurt everywhere... iono... so the eminem was to ease my pain... good angry music. gotta love it. so the whole day, i was pretty down and quiet... *sigh*

well, today is silvio's bday... happy bday sil. 19. whoa... lol... i don't even think he reads this... lol... oh well! i have him a lifesaver today cuz i'm a poor bastard wit absolutely no money to spend right now... maybe once i go to the bank i'll have something... his party thing is this saturday anyway... i'm probably only gonna stop by tho for about an hour or so... of maybe not even that long... *shrugz*

friday is the last school dance... WoO! and it's the one to celebrate the seniors.... hehe... so my friends are makin me go, so yea, i'll be there... gotta get my mind off of crap anyway...

i also have my AP test on tueday... wish me luck, i'll need it cuz i don't kno jack... grr... oh yea, i have my final this coming sunday too... from 9am to 1pm... sounds like fun... stupid test... stupid class that i don't even understand... grr... but hey, i'll be happy with a C-... just as long as i pass. =P

so that is all for now... keep ur head up and stay strong... cuz it'll help me to smile too... cuz god only knows how much i need it...

could u jus shoot me please? there's no point in life anymore... i thought i could be happy... but who am i fooling...