since no one really reads this cuz i think everyone believes it died:

i don't kno what to do anymore. i feel like i'm letting friends down. i feel like i'm trying too hard. i've been so self-centered recently, and i don't know why. i miss so many people, it's crazy. i had a dream that he gave me two choices. the two choices both had downsides. we were in his car, driving somewhere i don't know. he said, "i want to date you and go out with you, but you know the situation, and you know what we would risk. our second option is to forget all these feelings and be just friends, nothing more." ouch. i didn't even reply because i didn't know which i wanted more... unfortunately, the second option is the best option for now... no one gets hurt... but me. *shrug* i don't kno anymore...

i'm slowly realize that i either reject the good guys or they've already been swooped on. hmph... everyone around me seems to have someone they can turn to... i miss having that someone... or anyone for that matter.