warning: obscenities will be everywhere

alright, i gotta get my mind off of the SHIT that's FUCKIN roamin through my head right now. i wish it was a week ago... when i believed everything was still good. i was in love and i was an improving student. now, i'm neither. blah, anyFUCKINway...

so yea, easter weekend was great. i was able kick it with my mom and see chris for a few hours. my mom and i went shopping that saturday. it was fun. she bought me stuff too, but she bought a whole lot for herself. i'm happy that she's happier. after going shopping, i met up with chris at his house. i thought it was really nice of him to go home after return of the bboy jus so we can meet up. made me smile. we spent the evening at his house pretty much. the only time we left the house was to get mcdonald's down the street. we watched atlantis and then some tv. these kinds of "dates" are my favorite cuz it's jus being alone with the one u love jus appreciating each other's company. i love it. i love him. [FUCKin AYE.] so yea, i left his house and arrived at my house with 2 minutes to spare before 2. take that mom! ha! easter sunday was alright. i didn't find any FUCKIN eggs in the easter egg hunt, as usual. why do i suck at that??? grr... oh well, i still got some money... my grandpa was in the hospital... he's not doing so well... hopefully, he gets better... his name for me is "beautiful." now, who wouldn't like being called that everytime u saw someone? god bless lolo. i left monday...

well, getting back to school was coo. jus sad to leave home... it's always FUCKIN hard leaving... well, monday, i found out that mary was gonna be goin to irvine on tuesday to see the school, so of course i let her kno that i go to uci and etc. so she emailed me back and we made plans. through iMs, we decided that she was gonna stay in my dorm room until thursday afternoon. well, she came late tuesday night which was kinda weird. it's like we kno so much about each other yet so little... the wonders of the internet... we basically did a lot of talking all of the days she was here. it was fun. we have a lot in common. she went on tours around campus and what not. i even took her to one of my classes on thursday. we also got a nice amount of free stuff from the career fair. i think my best find was a stapler. heh... well, i met my competition for mary's heart. her name is erika. i think i won. so =P we met while i was on the way back to my room. they turned me around and we all went to the main library on a "ghost" hunt, jus to end up disappointed. oh well... fun times... mary is one awesome chick. but i never doubted that one bit...

now about school, i thought that everything was goin okay cuz i was tryin my hardest to get my grades back up and what not. turns out i got a c- in humcore writing last quarter, which i don't think is passing for that course, but i'll have to deal with that later... anyway, because i jus got that grade, so did the ics people... so yea, i have to go in for a meeting with my conselor about my grades and to put me under contract. 2nd step out of 3 to getting kicked out of the university. i cried when i heard the message. well, my meeting is on the 5th. wish me luck... i really thought my 2.5 last quarter would've gotten me off of ap, but apparently not... FUCK ICS. FUCK HUMCORE. dammit...

i've been doing more talking with my mom recently. she's been the only one that i can talk to recently. no one has been around. no one has been FUCKIN listenin to my problems. no one has been giving me any attention. i was alone. i needed someone. so who better than mommy? i jus wish that it wasn't always like that... i miss having friends.... FUCK i already miss having chris. and it's only been 9 hours... FUCK LIFE though. i might as well be dead. no love. no hope. no future. the end... i'm gonna crawl back into my FUCKIN bed to wish that i jus wouldn't wake up...