i used to cry every night thinking about how much i missed you... about how much i want u back... about how much i wished you would just love me again... but now i've learned that i shouldn't wait for you anymore... that i shouldn't waste my love on someone who won't love me in return. all i wanted was for you to come back to me and love me like u did before, but u wouldn't and u didn't give it a chance... so here i stand, letting go of my love. i want to let my heart be free of you. no longer will i let it hurt me or let it bring me down. i deserve to be loved. i deserve someone who will care about me, who won't criticize everything i do. someone who will accept me for who i am and understand who that is. yes, i'll always love you. that's a fact. but now, i can't long for ur kiss or ur sweet caress... no more... cuz i can't go on hoping for something that i'll never get... it's like setting goals too high that i'll never reach. you were jus out of my reach. goodbye my love. hello lonliness. i'm moving on with my life. i need to.

aiya... why is it that once i finish typing all that... i begin to miss u again... dear god, this angel needs her angel...

BY THE WAY PEOPLE... IT SAYS "ANGEL" ON MY BACK!!! NOT RACE, BIGGY, ANGER, BAGEL, OR ROCKY!!! GRR... =P

wOo!!! it jus hit me that i have my precious blog back... i'm so happy =D so let me tell you what's been going on recently...

am i still reminiscing? yes. do i still have no prom date? yes. do i still have no life? for the most part, i have a life. =P is there anyone new in my life? nope. does dr. pepper still rock? fO sHo! hehe...

this whole prom thing has me stressing... i have about 1 week to find a date. i asked chris but he can't cuz he's got somethin goin on that night... GrRr... so don't laugh at me if i end up with my cousin or something... (okay, so that won't happen cuz yea, i'll jus go with whoever) at least i have everything else ready for myself. jus gotta find a date and get the plans cleared up wit my group.

i've been spending hella time wit silvio, jeyel, and anson... they're pretty much my replacement time fillers since i don't kick it wit sheena anymore or chris cuz they're always doing something... chris still holds more priority than them for sum reason... *sigh* anywayz... everyone thinks it's odd that i go to an all-girls school, yet all my friends are guys... lol

last weekend, i went to my friend's bball game for the asian league... kinda weird tho, cuz the game that i missed, they won... but the one i watched, they lost... maybe i'm bad luck... lol me and my friend, marcia, agreed that his team held him back cuz he was pretty good, but his team was uMm... yea... nm... lol.. omg... they bought some headbands thinking they looked all cool... nuhuh... u jus don't do that for a number of reasons... first, they look funny.. second, the other team will want to kick ur asses for thinkin that ur the shiz... blah blah blah... all good... oh yea, he couldn't go to my prom either... GrR... =P

i am officially a UC Irvine Anteater... well, yea, i'm enrolled for next fall... joy... i'm a lil excited and yet, a little sad... cuz yea, no one that i'm really good friends wit will be goin south... they're all staying pretty close to home... it's gonna be hard, but i jus hope that i don't lose touch with any of them cuz i'll jus live with regrets about letting them go... but i am sure that i'll be writing a letter to each and every one of my closer friends that mean so much to me. =]

i've been driving a lot recently... my mom started letting me drive on the weekends and stuff a few weeks ago. it's great. =] i really like driving. i feel so free and independent. hehe...

last night was the serra prom. it was pretty fun. i feel kinda bad cuz i feel like i wasn't that great of a date... =[ sorry aaron, if u read this... anyway, i did see like every single one of my exes there... lol... there's only one that i kinda don't like cuz he was an ass to me. his date told people that i was muggin her... whatever... her dress was less than flattering... i'll leave it at that.. but yea, i didn't even mug her... i didn't even really pay attention... but whatever, let people talk... i'm confident wit myself and how i stand. who cares what u think? =P it was fun tho. after that, i went home... then silvio called me and told me bout their lil gathering at the hotel. so he picked me up at bout 1:30am. hehe... jey and his date lisa were quite tipsy... lol... i remember lisa saying, "i'm sober. i swear." then fell off the bed and started laughing... hahahaha... sober my ass... lol... good stuff... hehe... and just to get things straight before anyone hears things or what not... NO, i did not score or anything of that sort. no drinking or drugs either. so =P it was funny when i was playin speed against anson tho, cuz i couldn't count... i get weird and all hyper if i'm up at like 2am... yea, so it seemed like i was drunk/high... lol... so i don't need that shit... no thanx, i'm high on life.

today was hot import nights. it was pretty cool... i had some good fun... looking at all the cars and the lights... hehe... i went wit silvio and anson. (jeez... is it jus me or have i said those names like hella times in this one entry?) they took pictures with models and were oogling their goodies. damn guys... then we saw the Ms.HiN chick or whatever and she was taking pictures that were gonna be uploaded onto the HiN page later; so anson makes me take a pic... it was funny cuz i was the only girl in the line. lol. so when i got to the girl, i was like holding her waist. and her body guard or whatever was behind her. he moved my hand onto her ass... OMG... the guys around us were like "YEA!" or "DAYAM"... stupid guys... only thinkin wit their heads, and not the one on their necks.

well, i guess that's all for this post... hehe... i can't remember anything else really that has happened that is interesing... but i'll be sure to update more often now! =] byebyeee

to my heart: am i ready to move on? am i ready to let go? am i prepared to let myself love again? or will i jus lead myself into a trap and end up falling again... should i even move on? is he the one that i should be with? is this pain that i feel without him right? because all i can do is hope and pray that he will come back to me, but somehow, i kno that he wont't... and these tears will never cease... because the only one that can make them stop from falling is the one that causes them to fall in the first place...

well, i am hosted! thank you lana!!! *hugz* i'm now found at http://over-came.net YOU ROCK LANA! =] well, this layout is now icky to me, but at least i have my page up... hehe... so i'll make a new layout soon and make u all proud. oh yea, i just got everything back up and running... the new layout should be done soon. just be patient. =]

"all i need, is everything u are, complete, and if u ever fall i'll be here, standing in the shadow of my heart" - everything you are by lindsay pagano

"although we've come to the end of the road, still i can't let go. it's unnatural. you belong to me. i belong to you. ... we should be happy together forever, you and i. will you love me again like you loved me before?" - end of the road by boyzIImen

blah... you wanna kno what's on my mind? i'm in love with someone that won't take me back... *sigh*

well, i haven't done anything these past few days... they've been pretty boring actually... last night was a lil interesting... iono... something must've been in the water... i got asked out and 3 guys asked me for my number... too bad that was all online... hahaha... suckerz... jk... but yea, too bad i'm not even close to being ready to move on... i'm not even any closer to it than i was a month ago... gawd, what's wrong with me? am i being dumb? or jus blinded by my emotions? i wish i knew... yea, my mom is gettin on my nerves... but thas normal... she yelled at me about my cell phone bill... then that jus went on to my math grade, then how i have no job... but whatever... biatch... i'll be out of here before u kno it... then we'll see who misses who... yea yea... what should i major in? hehe... iono... i signed up for comp sci... but iono anymore... blah... i'll think bout it... but yea, i have a lot of ish on my mind... unfortunately... oh yea, i took crono's e-mail and info down... but his name's still on the blogger acount... heh... yea... "adrienne, let go." whatever, i jus can't... anyway! back to me being bored... hehe... u get used to it... especially after being stuck in a house for 2 days... =P sad, but so true... at least i have plans for thursday... the weekend's gonna suck butt tho cuz i have to go to LA for a dumb wedding... i'm missing a car show! lol... riiight... i probably wouldn't have gone anyway... LaLaLa... thas all for now... gnite people =]

"god send me an angel from the heavens above. send me an angel to heal my broken heart from bein in love cuz all i do is cry. god send me an angel to wipe the tears from my eyes." - angel by amanda perez (thanx to crono for the song... u should dL it too =] )

"everytime i see your face, it makes me wanna sing, and everytime i think about your love, it drives me crazy."

as i sat there, watching you sleep, i thought about so many things... first, you look so cute when ur sleeping... then again, who really doesn't, i guess, but dayam... =] i remember when i first heard ur name a few years ago... we used to chop it up every once in a while, but it wasn't really anything... then about a year ago, i heard ur name come up again... i decided to say "hi"... and everything went from there... over time, you called me for the first time... i remember our conversations at night just talking about anything and everything... asking questions back and forth, trying to get to kno each other a little better... i remember the first time i saw u... i remember thinking to myself, "wow, he's so cute... i hope i look alrite." hehe... i remember goin to see my friend, the one that brought us together in the first place... i remember you two joking that i wanted you and what not... the truth was, i did. i remember the first time u had an "accident" with your car... that sucked... i'm sorry, it was my curse... hehe... i remember goin to eat and u holding me back cuz i wouldn't let u see my biceps or somethin... hehe... all i wanted was sum ketchup! oh well... i remember that day we went to the movies... the first time... we saw the first knight... *sigh* i remember our first kiss... i remember how sweet it felt and how much i wanted to be with you... the situation was complicated, yea, but by that night, i was yours, and u were mine... i was falling for you... and i was falling hard... that night would lead to many more happy days... i remember that day i spent pretty much all of it with you... =] i couldn't have been happier. i remember the drama we went through wit my mom and wit my friends... but we made it through, that's all that mattered. in some way, it brought us closer... i remember the first time u said u loved me... i had been waiting to hear those words from you for so long because i knew that i felt the same way too... you were the one i wanted to be with, no one else in the world could've matched how much u meant to me... i would've given u the world... i remember how it felt to have you hold me in your arms... i remember your kiss... i remember jus bein close to you... i remember how u made everything better after the first time we had a big argument and "separated". i was jus happy to have you again... *sigh* i remember when my world came crashing down... we broke up... i convinced myself that i didn't want to be with you anymore... why did i listen to everyone but my own heart? dear god, if only i could take that day back... but i kno i can't; so here i sit, reminiscing about days and months gone by... it's been over a month now, and i still miss you... no matter how much i cry over you or how much i pray and wish for you to come back... i kno it jus won't happen, because ur heart probably has already let go... iono... i'll always love you... that's all. one day, i'll let go of wanting you, but i'll never let go of my memories and of my love... i will never let you go out of my life... i've lost you as mine, but i can't lose you as a friend...