i'm scared & worried. my future is so uncertain. i don't know what's gonna happen with school. i just don't know anymore... also, i keep getting worried that irvine will bring the end of me and chris... i would never want that to happen. i hope it doesn't. i really hope it doesn't... it just seems like all the odds are against us... all i can do is hope every day and night and wish that everything works out in the end. i never wanna lose him... "oh how i miss you baby cuz i need you baby..." *sigh* depresssssssion at its finest... oh yea, my mom jus bitched at me for no real reason. thanx mom. u're the best.

two more FUCKIN weeks in this institution. thank the lord. furreal. there's a banquet for my dorm on monday. am i going? hell fuckin no! hardee har har. i hate these people. i can't wait to leave this place. i really can't wait. maybe if i'm lucky, i'll never run into them again. well, for at least a few months. man... i kno when i leave for irvine at the end of the summer, i'm gonna be ballin out of control cuz i wouldn't wanna leave... also, things were easier to leave back in the summer of 02. i didn't really have any attatchments back at home... now, my heart and love is at home. oh, the hardships... well, at least i kno i'll have my car next year so i'll spend every moment that i can with chris. man... u jus don't kno how much i love chris and how much i really wish for things to work out for me and him. i'm jus happy that i have him in my life...

well, today has been pretty dull. i did get a lot of sleep tho. i slept from 3am to about 2pm/2:30pmish. yea, i woke up to my roommate telling me her bf was coming and then again when he came in... so blah... i woke up and took a shower. after gettin clothed and what not, they asked if i wanted to go wit them to boomers [for u norcal folks, it's kinda like malibu which is now a boomers too. heh]. i said sure. so off we went... my roommate and her wonderfully wrong directions. good thing i have a basic idea of where i'm going now. anyway, her bf was in the batting cages for quite a while. i did it once. my roommate did it a few times too. then they played some video games for a lil bit. nothing too spectacular. then we ate at in n out. joy. that was pretty much it. i declined an invitation to a party cuz i went out last night, so i decided it was a good thing to stay home tonight. unfortunately, i was wrong cuz EVERYONE is out today except for me... *a big fat SIGH* more like *cried a lil bit* oh well i guess... what can u do... FUCK IT. i'm done.