for a while now, i've thought about my friends new and old. i must admit that sometimes i miss the days in hs sitting at the table during lunch wit the "minority crew." i also admit that i miss the [sorry for the use of racial terms] white gurls that were actually good friends of mine. those days are long gone. friendships have been forgotten. in the past, they have been left. it's just crazy to think of how close i was to a few of them [jey, anson, crys, sheena, silvio]. they were the ones who got me thru those last two years of high school. they had the most influence in my life at the time. then in a matter of months, *bam* i had none. that's when i reached that point when i thought that irvine would do me some good. get away from the so called friends and make some real ones. i'm not saying that i haven't made any real friends thus far, but i've realized how much i've grown since hs in just this year. i learned that i have to be less trusting because there are those people who can jus tear out whatever's left of my heart and step all over it. i'm not necessarily saying that the ones i named did that. maybe they did, maybe they didn't. or maybe it was a few of them. heh. i spent 9 months down in irvine. i started out with all these pictures on my wall and on my desk of all the friends i left back at home just to find out during those 9 months that they no longer were true. when it comes to friends that i make on my own, i made bad choices. i chose the losers. [this is a general statement that is not true about the present.] i chose the partyers. i chose the potheads. i chose the scrubs. i chose the bad drivers. i chose the liars. i chose the cheaters. somehow, everything i never wanted to be surrounded me. thankfully, these days are going better. all the new friends i have are awesome. though, i didn't really choose them because they were introduced to me. at least in irvine, i kno that the friends i made down there are truer and will treat me better than any of the ones in hs did. i won't be jus left alone again. lonliness is one of the worst feelings. ironically enough, the ones i trusted to never let me feel that way were the ones who did.

to my friends [CKT, EKT, MCC, JChin, PM, CnaT, EC, CD, GP, AR, MR, SA, VB, M&M, JB, and a few unnamed others]: hopefully, you kno who you all are. thank you for being there for me since day one. hopefully when times change and our lives take different paths, we'll still be the same. all i have is hope. i do trust u all. thank you so much. you jus don't kno what each of u means to me.

to the ones who've FUCKED me over: have a good life. u thought i'd say something like "fuck you," huh? well, i don't wish anythin negative against u cuz u were once my all...