okay, i'm gonna waste some more of my time on pointless crap before studying or writing my essay. haha... good huh? yea, it's gonna be an all nighter for me but oh well, that's what i get. anyway, let's get deep. grab ur life preserver cuz u're gonna need it.

if i were to leave uci, would anyone miss me? would i miss it? would i regret leaving? what will happen? what does the future hold for me? will i ever figure it all out? uci is a great school with a beautiful campus, but i jus have this feeling that it's not for me. the people jus don't amuse me. socal people are often stuck up, materialistic, egotistical, etc. also, the whitewashed asian ratio is jus so high that i'm beyond the point of irritation. i walk around lookin like the typical adrienne and i see the girls with their heels and skirts as if they're goin clubbin. i see the brands. i see the high class cars. sometimes i can't help but wonder if they only buy those things cuz they can and just to tell the rest of the world that they have more tangible goods than others. who knows... but i kno these people are in every school, but does uci jus happen to have a superfluous amount of them? seriously, the only thing i enjoy here is kaba and maybe the company of a handful of other people. is this "the time of my life" that everyone speaks about in college? i hate the way other people look at me when i walk around school. i hate the glares. u wonder why i have this look on my face as if i hate everyone here... well, it's not that i don't like anyone here, it's jus that i haven't really met people outside of kaba and the like 5 others that make my time down here worth while. take my headphones and plug my ears to what's around me. this is what i do when i go to class. my life consists of very few things. i wake up, go to class, maybe eat, go back to my room, do random crap on the computer, talk to the wonderful chris, sleep, and repeat. once i step outside of the kaba meetings or the cross cultural center, i'm back to being the quiet lil norcal girl who just wants to be back home... i have a lot to think about. i don't even have anyone to live with next year... should i go? should i stay? what should i major in? where would i go? with so many uncertainties and so many questions in life... there's only two things that i kno for sure... no matter what happens, chris will still love me. no matter where i go to school, my mom will still care. who else is there left in my life? sadly, i can't say that i have a best friend besides chris. yea, i have my friends up north and in kaba, but who can i run to when i want to escape from life? no one but chris cuz that's the only person i really trust. i don't mean to offend any of u, but times are hard for me. times have changed as well. there are a few of you who i consider to be really close to me, but there's this level of trust that i've only reached with chris. no one knows everything besides chris. but this isn't just one sided. i really wish i had those friends would keep me upped on what was really goin on with them... oh well, there are still those who hold a place in my heart. thank u for bein there and listenin to me when i needed u. thank u God for giving me all u have given me. thank u chris for loving me. forever, i will love you. and with that, things will get better. one step at i time. i kno it...